Being a Virgin

As a young girl, I thought that I'd be a virgin when I got married because I always figured I'd be married really really young. By the time I got to 16, I realized that this probably wasn't going to happen, but I knew that I'd wait until I was at least 18 or 19. In my late 20's, I knew that I would never counsel my daughters to wait until they were married to have sex. Why you ask?

I was fortunate enough to grow up around a bunch of guys and gals who would openly talk about sex and their experiences, what worked and what didn't. Now, this is fascinating when you consider the fact that we were all from the Caribbean and had left the bosom of our fairly conservative families and were living in the US. Being away from all that was familiar made us bond and talk about things that maybe we never would have had we remained within the conservative environment we grew up in.

I had the pleasure of hearing young men ask young women about what they should know about the female anatomy and how they could make lovemaking better for their partners. I heard men talk openly about things that I would never have believed. It was a wonderful time for learning and exploring. One of the things I found so interesting is that for most of those young girls, the first time they had sex, they had wondered what all the exitement was about. None of them experienced those dizzying heights that you read about or see in movies or in porn.

For most these young women it took a little time before they began to realize the thrill of sex. As I began to explore this scenario, I realized that many things accounted for this. The first was that most of these girls didn't know what they liked, didn't like or wanted and these young boys were equally as clueless. Second, they had to get over the fact that they were doing something that they shouldn't have been doing or had been taught was wrong outside of marriage. Third, they didn't quite understand all the mechanics of their bodies and fourth, they weren't totally comfortable with themselves as sexual beings.

Now for girls who started having sex at say 18 or 19, by the time they hit their mid-20's they pretty much had a handle on things and life began to get a lot better in the sack. They no longer had sex just to please the guy or because it was expected of them. They knew what they wanted and finally began to get why there was so much excitement about the whole thing. By the time, these women got into their 30's and had gained a few pounds and had some kids, things got ever better because they had become truly comfortable with themselves.

Now, why would I want my daughter to have her wedding night be akward, uncomfortable and something that she remembered for the rest of her life as less than spectacular. So, while I'll counsel her to wait until I think she's emotionally ready to handle a physical relationship, I'll sure as hell be telling her to take the car for a spin before plonking down her hard earned cash to buy a Mercedes and then find out that she's gotten a Geo instead.