Trapeze and More

So recently, I was having this conversation with someone and was given the most juicy pieces of gossip. There are these people I know who are members of Trapeze which is a swingers club in Ft. Lauderdale. The person who was telling me this was totally shocked that these types of things occurred. Well, I wasn’t. Many years ago, I’d thought swingers clubs were a very undercover thing until I saw it on Oprah and realized that many married couples who we see out there as “unassuming” are so into the swinging lifestyle and sharing partners and seeing what it’s like having a same sex partner and a whole bunch of other things. Nothing surprises me anymore or so I thought until I figured out who were the people who were going to this club and the other people they’d tried to invite along. I was like…what? But hey, such is life. This shock was then followed up by someone telling me of who is using what, where and when? When did Ritalin become a recreational drug? For the second time in a year, I’m realizing that people are actually getting Ritalin, crushing it up and snorting it like cocaine. What? Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we first practice to deceive.

Idiots and the Entertainment Industry

So today, I get to work and my Assistant tells me to go view this video promo of a documentary shot by one of the instructors at school. I go and look and it is wonderful. He was a survivor of the Tsunami and had gone back to do the shoot. It can be viewed at http://www.culturalfilmfund.com. Anyway, part of the documentary showed actual footage of the Tsunami which showed people being drowned and the aftermath where bodies were washed up onto the shore and the workers as they tried to gather the bodies into a central location. My assistant had never seen any of this because most networks sanitize the news to make it palatable to the public. This is where my rant begins.

My understanding is that the news is supposed to be a representation of what has occurred. How in God's name do you sanitize the death of 300,000 people? How do you sanitize the awesome destructive power of nature when it chooses to exert its will and might over man? There is no way, we are raising a generation and apparently live among a generation who seem unable to cope with the vagaries of life and they believe that to make it appear better or less traumatic than it really is is beneficial. My question is - beneficial to whom?

Then this lead me into yet another annoying issue - that of the sanitation of films. There are now companies who take R rated films and remove the violence, sexual content and colorful language so that it becomes a family film. They claim they wish to be able to sit with their family and watch a film without those items in it. Now my question is this - if you take out half the content, then it isn't the film that the film maker intended. If you wish to watch a certain kind of film - then watch that film...don't clean up a film so that you feel comfortable watching it. Not all films are created for younger viewers - some films are meant for adults.

Case in point is the Passion of the Christ. Now, I've never watched the movie because I knew that because I get really involved in films I'm watching, I'd be one of those people weeping and in agony over what I was seeing. My choice, therefore, was not to watch the movie until I was truly ready. And being ready meant, having it on DVD at home where I could pause and walk away and come back when I was calm. I know that Mel Gibson wanted the film to have a very visceral effect on his audience because for those of us who are christians, he wanted us to understand the enormity of the sacrifice of Jesus' death and resurrection. How then do a group of people determine that they wish to water this down. How do they make a determination that it is okay to alter the intent of the filmaker so that they can feel comfortable watching the film.

The sad part is that there is legislation that will actually begin to allow this. Filmakers do allow the altering of their films to fit into TV viewing timeframes and for dubbing over foul language and removal of some sexual content to make it viewable on television which has stricter codes for content. So it seems to me that they are taking this to the extreme. The filmakers point is that while they do allow this - they retain control over how the editing is done and that these other editors for clean films .... are simply hacking their work to pieces. I think the courts should consider this keenly. We are slowly being taken over by the right wing element who is choosing to bully everyone so that they can have things their way. It ain't right and somebody should put a stop to it.

The evolution of teen sex

Well today is Memorial Day so I'm getting an opportunity to watch some shows that I don't ordinarily get to see like "The View" and "Regis and Kelly." Today on the view, the topic was the issue of teen sex. Well, what's new? Apparently, there is much discussion on what to do about the epidemic of teen sex.

There are some proponenets who say that teens should be encouraged not to have sex, but also educated about the dangers of sex and how to have safe sex. There are a myriad of variations of this group. Then there's the other group who under no circumstances condone sex outside the boundaries of marriage. Then there's a third group who don't want teens to have sex, because the physical, psychological and emotional experiences which come along with that which teens are not prepared to handle.

So where do you stand on the topic?

Personally, I agree with the first group of people. Society is behaving as if teen sex is soemthing new. Up to 100 years ago, teen sex was perfectly acceptable because people got married between the ages of 17 and 24. Unmarried women over the age of 25 were considered old maids. But now, we want to turn evolution on its head and tell people that what they've been doing is wrong and we need to change. In case you haven't heard, evolution takes centuries. We've been bred with a strong sex drive so to tell someone who's hormones have been turned up to mega speed to slow it down is akin to impossible.

Do I believe there's a responsible way to handle this, sure....explain to young girls and guys that there's no need to rush into sex because it's one of life's pleasures (and it is a pleasure and to tell them otherwise is stupid). Instead, they should focus on self love and create interests that will sustain them throughout life. But I think we should accept that some 80% of the population will have had sex or some form of it before they reach their 19th birthday.

Then comes the biggie, you don't plan to have sex but you want to share some kind of physicality wiht your beloved. There was a reason why in the 18th century young girls were chaperoned and young men were only allowed to hold and kiss their hands. Anything past that is bound to turn on the libido and the natural conclusion is usually intercourse.

So, how then do we figure this out in the 21st century?

This will be a quesiton that will plague society for centuries to come. I don't think people shoudl get married before the age of 25 because most people aren't mature enough to handle the pressure of marriage in today's modern society. So then is the world to remain virginal until 25, that is highly unlikely. Also, the issues that arise with two 25 year old virgins trying to have a fabulous sex life just are too bewildering to count.

So, what do you think?

A Moral Dilemma

As I was coming in to work this morning, I was listening to Tavis Smiley on the Tom Joyner Morning Show. Now I love Tavis because nothing is sexier that a well-educated man who knows what he's talking about. I've always found him to be interesting and well informed on a wealth of topics. He's always been able to educate me about things that I had no knowledge of previously. Today, he was talking about this whole filibuster thing and the choosing of judges.

This is a topic that has been of great interest to me, both as a minority and as a woman. Who is on teh supreme court has impact for my employment, health and everything else that is vital to my life and my liberty. For years the courts were fairly liberal and within the last few years have become exceedingly conservative. As we tackle the issues of abortion, stem cell research and a wealth of other controversial issues, I think that people should look closely at what is happening in the political arena because if you don't it will have deliterious effects on us all.

I had no idea that Bill Clinton had single handedly appointed more black judges than as Tavis said, Washington to George W combined. That was a hell of a comment. He then went on to comment about how many high ranking black church officials were getting into bed with the Rebpublican party. Now he wasn't saying that all people who looked the same (ie black folk) needed to be of the same political affiliation because clearly there were different strokes for different folks, he just wanted why it appeared that people who did not have our best interest at heart were so closely lining themselves up with us ... what was the gain.

In the last few years I've begun to realize that the fact that most black folk are so religious and god fearing has allowed us to be simplified and become pawns for those who have their own agendas. Now why have black folk aligned themself so closely with some republican issues. Quite simply they will tell you that it's on moral grounds. Now what are the moral issues that they are discussing, once again, quite simply is the gay issue. Black folk have taken to hating gay people and villifying them just as much as black folk were villified in the 19th and 20th century. It's almost as if they have a group to persecute as they were persecuted. The fact that they are waving the bible doesn't justify it either because when they were segreating the south and claiming that it was "separate but equal," they used the bible to justify that too.

So now let's move on to another moral issue that is sure to allow black folk to once again jump on the bandwagon...stem cell research. Now I must be honest and state that I'm really not quite sure what my opinion is because I haven't delved into the topic as much as I could have. But I do know this much, no-one is going ahead and creating embryos for the purposes of research. Because we have so many childless couples who have resorted to artificial methods to give birth and bring forth life, there is often an excess of embryos left over. There appear to be two choices, destroy the embryo after a period of time or use them for research purposes. One groups is stating that to utilize the embryo is essentially murder. What no-one has explained to me is what is to happen with the embryo that is currently frozen, is it to stay that way forever or will it eventually be destroyed?

My point is this, it appears that the embryos are going to be destroyed at some point. If that is the case, then that's murder. If the embroys are to be used for research purposes, then that's also murder. What then do we do? Because I respect a woman's choice to end a pregnancy (but please do it within the first 8 weeks), my opinions about a embryo/fetus tend to be skewed towards what makes me comfortable. Intellectually, I know that life begins once there is a fertlized egg, however, I do know that that life cannot sustain itself without its mother for quite a few months yet. So when I take all this and weigh the options, this is what I see.

A fetus or embryo cannot survive without a host. That host is a mother. The embryo's that are part of the stem cell controversy are currently frozen, created from an artificial process with no likelihood of ever having a host mother. Whichever way you take it, this embryo's cannot be classified as living since they can't survive without a host. If you take this logic then and know that you destroy them with nothing gained or you can use them and gain a wealth of information, then what's the harm. If my child dies and I choose to donate his organs, nobody thinks anything of it, I'm considered to be a wonderful person who has helped to prolong the life of so many; yet if I allow my unused embryo's to be used for reserach purposes, this is a major issue. Both are being used to prolong life so where's the issue?

So many of us will develop life threatening diseases in the years to come, we don't see it now because we are young and healthy, but our grandparents and our parents are dying from heart disease, cancer, diabetes, muscular and a whole wealth of illnesses that with stem cell research could be essentially eradicated. What are we to do, it's a huge moral dilemma. I just hope that everyone thinks long and hard about this and then make a decision that your conscience can live with.

Degrees of Sin

I feel like I spend my whole blog life talking about gay issues. I don't know when I became such an advocate for gay people. I think because of the environment I work in, I've developed a much more tolerant attitude. More and more I'm confronted with the bigotry of people and more and more I'm aggravated. I can understand your not understanding a lifestyle and not choosing it for yourself, but why sit in judgement on anybody? How does that make your better?

A few years ago, I had a conversation with a co-worker who was a 7th Day Adventist but one of the most interesting and truly knowledgeable persons about the bible. He was able to marry his morality with a compassion that made him one of the truly most decent men I knew. He understood that you could love the sinner without loving or embracing the sin. One day while sitting, we were talking about sin and homosexuality. I explained to him my take on homosexuality. I talked about a young boy I'd gone to school with who we all knew from he was about 7 that he was as gay as they came. All the teachers spent hours trying to "make a man" of him and we knew it would never take. In those days boys like him were called sissy's. It was easy to see that he didn't become "gay" he was born that way. That experience as a young child made me know that I couldn't sit in judgement of anybody.

Then as Whoopi said recently in her one woman show, the bible throwers like to throw Ephesians at everyone as justification as to why being gay is a sin. Interestingly, they don't talk about all the other rules in Ephesisans such as lying in bed with a woman who's seeing her period, sacrificing of animals, honoring parents and a wealth of other information. You can't just pick and choose pieces of the bible to throw at people. It's a guide book meant to be taken in its entirety. What I find interesting is that Jesus never actually addressed this issue at all.

What was so interesting about my conversation with this co-worker was that he make me realize that while he thought homosexuality was a sin. It was a forgiveable sin just like any other sin. He further went on to explain that there is no degree of sin. WOW! I'd never before thought about degrees of sin. You know we think that if we tell a little lie here or there, or cheat on our taxes or don't tell somebody they've given us the wrong change, or disrespect our selves or others that these are little sins. Then there are the big sins, killing, cheating on your spouse or not honoring God. In our head, we've created a hierarchy of Sin. I certainly know that I had.

He quietly sat and told me that there were no degrees of sin, there was just sin and that I could justify it anyway I liked, sin is sin. This knowledge has made me want to look at all the gay bashers and judgemental folk out there and say in - hey, he who is without sin, cast the first stone.

Religion and Politics

Religion and Politics – now where shall the twain meet? I was raised in a culture that based everything it did on religion and spirituality. I never knew that life could be any different until I came to this country. In Jamaica, every school is attached to a church, the parliament opens with a prayers, we have an official denomination – Anglican – based on the Church of England. Everything in Jamaica always revolves around religion of some sort. Our laws are based on Christian principles and everyone understands that our life is governed by a sovereign being and it’s certainly not the Queen.

When I moved here some 15 years ago, I wasn’t shocked that Church and State were separated, it made sense to me and I understood that different countries had different rules. The longer I lived here, the more I thought it was a good practice. Religious fanatics could not get a hold of the system and then tweak it to serve their purpose. Laws were based on the good of everyone and not just for a specific few who believed in one specific thing. This made more sense when you realize that the US is not a melting pot as people like to say but rather a salad bowl of different cultures attempting to co-exist in harmony.

It is beyond my scope of understanding why residents of this great country are not rising up in protest at what is happening today. Religion has begun to enter every facet of life in the US and it isn’t a generic religion, it’s a very specific religion. It’s a religion that believes in preserving life by keeping you alive artificially and forcing women to have children they don’t want or can’t afford, but is cavalier about throwing away lives in war. It’s a religion that will attempt to censor any opinion that does not coincide with what they believe.

Recently Church members were told not to come to church if they didn't believe that their church should be politically active. Pharmacists have declined to sell birth control because they believe that all life is precious and women don't have the right to control the number of children they give birth to. What has become of the land of the free and the home of the brave?

The Bible thing

Recently, I had a conversation with someone who was distraught because someone she knew had summarily dismissed the bible as a piece of fiction writing that spoke of homosexuality, bestiality and a whole host of other immoral acts. This person with whom I was seeking has actually taken the time to read the entire bible. I was quite impressed. While I feel comfortable with my spirituality, I feel totally intimidated by the bible. Yes I know that it's the manual that I should use to live my life but truth be told, quite a bit of it, I don't understand.

As a lover of words, I realized early in life that the King James Version was just too shakesperean for me to quite get. The thee's and thou's totally lost me. The New English version is much easier to understand being written in a language that is more current. However, after years of going to church and listening to various ministers interpret the bible through their screens, I was at a loss as to what I should or could use for my own interpretation, after all, I was no biblical scholar.

In the same way that in school, you examined a book for its plot, characters, irony and all the other componenets of literature and then aligned said book with contemporary society, it is the same that must be done with the bible. My problem was that I didn't quite understand the context within which the stories in the bible were taken because like I said, I'm no biblical scholar. I actualy did Religion for my O levels because it was a requirement at my Catholic all-girls high school, but I didn't really learn much. Instead I could take the information given to me and regurgitate it as it related to historical facts.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was probably not correct that Moses parted the Red Sea, but in all likelihood it was the Reed Sea. Things like this baffled me. Then more recently, in my newly chosen church, I realized that you had to bring Greek and Roman culture circa 300 BC to really understand some of the teachings in teh bible since they related to a cultrue way before the one we know today.

Anyway, the person to whom I was speaking suggested that I start reading a Children's bible and actually read it from beginning to end to get the gist of all the stories and not just the big ones that everyone knows. She said that once I did this, then I should progress to another version. I am going to set this as a challenge for myself. To actually read the bible from cover to cover in a context which I understand. So that the next time somebody quotes the bible to me to justify some drivel or the other, I can say to them, that you can't take one verse in the bible to justify anything, you must take it in the context within which it was written.

Being a Virgin

As a young girl, I thought that I'd be a virgin when I got married because I always figured I'd be married really really young. By the time I got to 16, I realized that this probably wasn't going to happen, but I knew that I'd wait until I was at least 18 or 19. In my late 20's, I knew that I would never counsel my daughters to wait until they were married to have sex. Why you ask?

I was fortunate enough to grow up around a bunch of guys and gals who would openly talk about sex and their experiences, what worked and what didn't. Now, this is fascinating when you consider the fact that we were all from the Caribbean and had left the bosom of our fairly conservative families and were living in the US. Being away from all that was familiar made us bond and talk about things that maybe we never would have had we remained within the conservative environment we grew up in.

I had the pleasure of hearing young men ask young women about what they should know about the female anatomy and how they could make lovemaking better for their partners. I heard men talk openly about things that I would never have believed. It was a wonderful time for learning and exploring. One of the things I found so interesting is that for most of those young girls, the first time they had sex, they had wondered what all the exitement was about. None of them experienced those dizzying heights that you read about or see in movies or in porn.

For most these young women it took a little time before they began to realize the thrill of sex. As I began to explore this scenario, I realized that many things accounted for this. The first was that most of these girls didn't know what they liked, didn't like or wanted and these young boys were equally as clueless. Second, they had to get over the fact that they were doing something that they shouldn't have been doing or had been taught was wrong outside of marriage. Third, they didn't quite understand all the mechanics of their bodies and fourth, they weren't totally comfortable with themselves as sexual beings.

Now for girls who started having sex at say 18 or 19, by the time they hit their mid-20's they pretty much had a handle on things and life began to get a lot better in the sack. They no longer had sex just to please the guy or because it was expected of them. They knew what they wanted and finally began to get why there was so much excitement about the whole thing. By the time, these women got into their 30's and had gained a few pounds and had some kids, things got ever better because they had become truly comfortable with themselves.

Now, why would I want my daughter to have her wedding night be akward, uncomfortable and something that she remembered for the rest of her life as less than spectacular. So, while I'll counsel her to wait until I think she's emotionally ready to handle a physical relationship, I'll sure as hell be telling her to take the car for a spin before plonking down her hard earned cash to buy a Mercedes and then find out that she's gotten a Geo instead.